Running.

First day back in exercise mode. Oh my goodness. I felt like I was a freshman again, running with the cross country team. It was so tough trying to continue to run. Hour workout? I think not. I ran for a measly 12+ minutes and then decided to walk one of the laps. Okay, maybe I ran I little more than 12 minutes but still, it's nothing compared to what I used to do. I just need to start building up my muscle to gain strength. I felt so weak today, especially when I was doing leg lifts. My legs could not take it any more so I ended up not finishing that activity. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better. Well, I'm getting tired, probably from my physical activity (YES!). Maybe this routine will help me gain a regular sleeping schedule. That is such good news since my sleeping schedule is so off. Alrighty...GOOD NIGHT! :)

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Two Divided by Love" by The Grass Roots

HOME SWEET HOME

So finals have been long over. Same with the week long extension in Portland. I'm home. FINALLY. The week in Portland seemed to drag on forever, even Kristina thought I was in Mehling for way too long! It's true though. I was there longer than some of the RAs. There was an eerie quiet settling in on the building, which made me escape to Sam's house half of the time, even when I had a ton of packing to complete.

I eventually finished that packing, which by the way, I HATE. I hate having to pack my things, putting them away in boxes and transporting them to the trunk room. I hate trying to organize my things in an orderly fashion, especially when it's compacting them and confining them into small places. I would much rather unpack and have my things fill a room. However, every time I pack, I am constantly amazed with how I can pack everything into several boxes and leave the room completely empty. I'm a little worried about moving into Fields Hall because my room will be half the size it was in Mehling. *sigh* Hopefully I'll be able to loft my bed because then the floor space will be available. We'll see.

ANYWAY, I enjoyed my stay in Portland. There were quite a few people still around after finals ended, especially for graduation. I got to spend so much time with Sam, which was awesome. I really cherish our friendship, and I can't wait to have our friendship grow even further next year as we share moments together on the ASUP Executive Board, at Little Red Bike Cafe & McFaddens and just about everywhere else because we're pretty much together all the time. :) Maybe we'll even have a class together. You never know.

So...HOME SWEET HOME. It's HOT here, but it's been nice to be home. However, I'm realizing that I have a ton of stuff to do for CPB, even though I'm not in Portland. I'll be talking to Jillian on Monday to go over our summer to-do list. I just hope I can stay focused to complete everything, especially my continuity documents and revising the CPB constitution. So much CPB work to do over the summer. *sigh*

I need to start exercising! I better head off to bed, so that I can go run in the morning. Good night! :)

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

2 down, 1 to go.

The one that I want nothing to do with. Blah. I'm so out of writing a paper right now, maybe because I don't know what to write about AND because I totally screwed up the last time I wrote a paper for this class. I know I should try to redeem myself, but I can't find the motivation. Probably because I'm tired; I just want to sleep. I just want summer here to take me away. I want to go home. I want to do "cheekies" with KAM and play with him on Guitar Hero. I want to exercise to lose some of the chub chub that I gained from sitting at a desk all year. I want to go shoe shopping since my shoes are nearing a year old and it shows. I want to RELAX.

After this final, I need to pack. I need to figure out how to smartly pack everything, but I seem to always accumulate more things throughout the year. I have no idea how I'm going to bring it home. Gosh, I wish I had a car to truck it home. There's definitely some things here that could stay home. I'll need to do that next year, slowly take things back home.

Anyway, I'm going to shower and then tackle this paper. Maybe I can nap before my class. Woo! :)

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5

FINALS.

It's Finals Week.  My finals are at the beginning of the week this year, and it sucks. I know I should be happy because I'll be done early but seriously, who's happy about taking their hardest final bright and early on Monday morning?! This weekend I'm going to be studying like no other. I want to finish everything this weekend but I might just be studying for that exam because I need to do well or else...I don't even know what's going to happen. I'm really scared though. Alright better continue studying. GOOD LUCK. 

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar

things are a little better...?

So continuation from my little Sunday situation...haha

On Tuesday, I was in the office with Jillian, and he came in asking for a constitution.  This is where I thought things got a little better because he finally said hi to me; after how many weeks now?! I squeaked a hi back but that's it. I saw him later at dinner but didn't say anything.

That's the extent of my conversation with him. Great.  I really don't want this hanging over me when I'm away for the summer.  It has just been difficult since our paths don't cross any more. I know this passage makes it sound like I like him, but I don't. I just want to repair this friendship, if there even was one in the first place.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses

he's just NOT that into me...no seriously.

I might be overanalyzing this, but I seriously think Andrew hates me. Okay maybe not hate, but I'm going to consider dislike or whatever.  Ever since I talked to him on my birthday, things have gone down hill in our friendship. I know I shouldn't think it over too much because "things will get better." 

Today, I swear he made facial expressions full of disgust as Sam and I walked into the room where the Freshman Escape brainstorm meeting was taking place.  I don't understand why.  We didn't do anything but enter the room. *sigh* This is when my over-analyzation began...

I want to talk to him, just to make sure things are normal between us. None of this tension and awkwardness. I blame myself though for being stupidly honest on my birthday.  Oh my goodness gracious me. I spoiled a perfectly okay friendship....

California.

HOME SWEET HOME.

The summer sunshine beats against my tan skin as I lay out in the lush greenness of the backyard. Mama's flowers are blooming to the fullest, painting the yard with a rainbow of colors. Surrounding the blue waters of the pool, tall redwoods and Italian cypresses tower, making it slightly cooler - a drastic difference from the heat wave reaching triple digit numbers.

I can't wait to go back home for the summer, chilling pool side or maybe actually swimming. Haha I'll probably be swimming with Kyle. That'll be my afternoon pasttime. YES...! During the day, I'll figure something out. I need to set some goals - TCOB! ESPECIALLY before heading off to Montreal for a month or so. I really want to do an internship, but I don't know how to fit it in my schedule. I have two options - stay in Portland until June or come back early in August. I need some guidance because I'm not sure what's the best choice.

I wish there were internships available back home. That would make things easier since then I'll have a car. I'll keep looking.

I should get back to doing my homework. I have so many assignments due tomorrow. YIKES.

P.S. Someone thought I was from Corona, Calif., today. Weird. I don't live anywhere close to there. :\

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Hot n Cold" by Katy Perry

HAPPY EASTER!

I should probably be sleeping or showering or something, but no. I'm up and writing. It's EASTER! Jesus is back! It was so lonely without Him here. Good Friday is always a really sad day.

But yeah, this also means I can eat chocolate and fried foods again. It's exciting but at the same time I see why I shouldn't eat so much chocolate. It leaves like this weird film in your mouth, so you have to down water every so often. *sigh* I still love it.

I should probably get to bed because I have to wake up in a couple hours to get ready for mass. I'm excited about Mass. It's definitely a happy one. :)

GOOD NIGHT [and sweet dreams]!!

Spring Break pt. deux

I don't know French, but I like using the word for "two" when I make references to sequels. I know, weird...

Anywho, so it's Easter Break. I'm not going anywhere. I'm still in Portland, and it's for the best because I can focus on doing homework and chores. All the while I can spend time with some of my closest friends, Sam and Colin. It's pretty exciting.

Well, I thought I had more to say, but I really don't. So I'm going to go back and do some laundry while watching "Heroes." Sweet goodness! :)

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Friday I'm in Love" by The Cure

the worst day EVER

No joke. Everything has only continued to get worse as this day progresses.

I'm in the office now, hoping that my solitude will help me, but in reality, I just want someone to hold me. I want someone to guide me through this, to say that things will be okay, that it's not the end of the world, that I am better than this, that I'm still a good student, that even the most successful person in the world failed at something. I want to be reassured that everything will turn out for the better, that I will graduate on time, that I'm a success and not a failure. I want someone to be understanding and not yell at me for my mistakes and lecture me about time management because believe me, I know I suck at it. I know I don't have my priorities straight. I know that I need help but am too afraid to ask. I know that I should really listen to the advice that's given to me. I know I shouldn't give into peer pressure but have fallen victim to it too often this semester. I want a confidence booster. Please help me.

I think I'm going to go to the prayer journey this afternoon because God will help me reconnect with myself. I feel like I have not only failed myself, but a laundry list of people, including my family, my friends, my professors, and my classmates. Above all I have failed Him, not living up to my fullest potential. I know He has so much in store for me, and I have taken it all for granted.

I need to get back on track. Junior year always seems to kill me in school. I need to fix my mistakes and set up a game plan to kick senior year's ass, like no other. I want to be the super student, who is on top of all her assignments by doing them weeks in advance and keeping up with the readings. I want to be the best CPB Director that UP has ever seen by continuing to put on the most amazing and successful events.

I want to be a loyal friend by being there for my friends. I want to be a loving daughter, sister, cousin, niece, granddaughter, etc. by regularly keeping in touch with my family. I want to be a better person in the eyes of God by praying, not "blinking" during mass, reading the Bible, and just thanking Him every day for everything.

I know I have so much potential. I just need to learn to balance everything. I need someone to be my Jiminy Cricket and tell me when to start assignments, study for tests, escape the office, go to class (on time), be on time for everything, go to sleep, etc. This someone would need to be extremely influential over me or else I would just brush them off and not listen. That's another thing. I've realized how stubborn I really am. It was a bit of a shocker for me because I never really considered myself to be stubborn.

I need help. I would like advice and such but I need to help myself. It's completely my fault that I have not lived up to my potential, failing myself and all those around me.