2 down, 1 to go.

The one that I want nothing to do with. Blah. I'm so out of writing a paper right now, maybe because I don't know what to write about AND because I totally screwed up the last time I wrote a paper for this class. I know I should try to redeem myself, but I can't find the motivation. Probably because I'm tired; I just want to sleep. I just want summer here to take me away. I want to go home. I want to do "cheekies" with KAM and play with him on Guitar Hero. I want to exercise to lose some of the chub chub that I gained from sitting at a desk all year. I want to go shoe shopping since my shoes are nearing a year old and it shows. I want to RELAX.

After this final, I need to pack. I need to figure out how to smartly pack everything, but I seem to always accumulate more things throughout the year. I have no idea how I'm going to bring it home. Gosh, I wish I had a car to truck it home. There's definitely some things here that could stay home. I'll need to do that next year, slowly take things back home.

Anyway, I'm going to shower and then tackle this paper. Maybe I can nap before my class. Woo! :)

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5

FINALS.

It's Finals Week.  My finals are at the beginning of the week this year, and it sucks. I know I should be happy because I'll be done early but seriously, who's happy about taking their hardest final bright and early on Monday morning?! This weekend I'm going to be studying like no other. I want to finish everything this weekend but I might just be studying for that exam because I need to do well or else...I don't even know what's going to happen. I'm really scared though. Alright better continue studying. GOOD LUCK. 

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar

things are a little better...?

So continuation from my little Sunday situation...haha

On Tuesday, I was in the office with Jillian, and he came in asking for a constitution.  This is where I thought things got a little better because he finally said hi to me; after how many weeks now?! I squeaked a hi back but that's it. I saw him later at dinner but didn't say anything.

That's the extent of my conversation with him. Great.  I really don't want this hanging over me when I'm away for the summer.  It has just been difficult since our paths don't cross any more. I know this passage makes it sound like I like him, but I don't. I just want to repair this friendship, if there even was one in the first place.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses

he's just NOT that into me...no seriously.

I might be overanalyzing this, but I seriously think Andrew hates me. Okay maybe not hate, but I'm going to consider dislike or whatever.  Ever since I talked to him on my birthday, things have gone down hill in our friendship. I know I shouldn't think it over too much because "things will get better." 

Today, I swear he made facial expressions full of disgust as Sam and I walked into the room where the Freshman Escape brainstorm meeting was taking place.  I don't understand why.  We didn't do anything but enter the room. *sigh* This is when my over-analyzation began...

I want to talk to him, just to make sure things are normal between us. None of this tension and awkwardness. I blame myself though for being stupidly honest on my birthday.  Oh my goodness gracious me. I spoiled a perfectly okay friendship....

California.

HOME SWEET HOME.

The summer sunshine beats against my tan skin as I lay out in the lush greenness of the backyard. Mama's flowers are blooming to the fullest, painting the yard with a rainbow of colors. Surrounding the blue waters of the pool, tall redwoods and Italian cypresses tower, making it slightly cooler - a drastic difference from the heat wave reaching triple digit numbers.

I can't wait to go back home for the summer, chilling pool side or maybe actually swimming. Haha I'll probably be swimming with Kyle. That'll be my afternoon pasttime. YES...! During the day, I'll figure something out. I need to set some goals - TCOB! ESPECIALLY before heading off to Montreal for a month or so. I really want to do an internship, but I don't know how to fit it in my schedule. I have two options - stay in Portland until June or come back early in August. I need some guidance because I'm not sure what's the best choice.

I wish there were internships available back home. That would make things easier since then I'll have a car. I'll keep looking.

I should get back to doing my homework. I have so many assignments due tomorrow. YIKES.

P.S. Someone thought I was from Corona, Calif., today. Weird. I don't live anywhere close to there. :\

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Hot n Cold" by Katy Perry

HAPPY EASTER!

I should probably be sleeping or showering or something, but no. I'm up and writing. It's EASTER! Jesus is back! It was so lonely without Him here. Good Friday is always a really sad day.

But yeah, this also means I can eat chocolate and fried foods again. It's exciting but at the same time I see why I shouldn't eat so much chocolate. It leaves like this weird film in your mouth, so you have to down water every so often. *sigh* I still love it.

I should probably get to bed because I have to wake up in a couple hours to get ready for mass. I'm excited about Mass. It's definitely a happy one. :)

GOOD NIGHT [and sweet dreams]!!

Spring Break pt. deux

I don't know French, but I like using the word for "two" when I make references to sequels. I know, weird...

Anywho, so it's Easter Break. I'm not going anywhere. I'm still in Portland, and it's for the best because I can focus on doing homework and chores. All the while I can spend time with some of my closest friends, Sam and Colin. It's pretty exciting.

Well, I thought I had more to say, but I really don't. So I'm going to go back and do some laundry while watching "Heroes." Sweet goodness! :)

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Friday I'm in Love" by The Cure

the worst day EVER

No joke. Everything has only continued to get worse as this day progresses.

I'm in the office now, hoping that my solitude will help me, but in reality, I just want someone to hold me. I want someone to guide me through this, to say that things will be okay, that it's not the end of the world, that I am better than this, that I'm still a good student, that even the most successful person in the world failed at something. I want to be reassured that everything will turn out for the better, that I will graduate on time, that I'm a success and not a failure. I want someone to be understanding and not yell at me for my mistakes and lecture me about time management because believe me, I know I suck at it. I know I don't have my priorities straight. I know that I need help but am too afraid to ask. I know that I should really listen to the advice that's given to me. I know I shouldn't give into peer pressure but have fallen victim to it too often this semester. I want a confidence booster. Please help me.

I think I'm going to go to the prayer journey this afternoon because God will help me reconnect with myself. I feel like I have not only failed myself, but a laundry list of people, including my family, my friends, my professors, and my classmates. Above all I have failed Him, not living up to my fullest potential. I know He has so much in store for me, and I have taken it all for granted.

I need to get back on track. Junior year always seems to kill me in school. I need to fix my mistakes and set up a game plan to kick senior year's ass, like no other. I want to be the super student, who is on top of all her assignments by doing them weeks in advance and keeping up with the readings. I want to be the best CPB Director that UP has ever seen by continuing to put on the most amazing and successful events.

I want to be a loyal friend by being there for my friends. I want to be a loving daughter, sister, cousin, niece, granddaughter, etc. by regularly keeping in touch with my family. I want to be a better person in the eyes of God by praying, not "blinking" during mass, reading the Bible, and just thanking Him every day for everything.

I know I have so much potential. I just need to learn to balance everything. I need someone to be my Jiminy Cricket and tell me when to start assignments, study for tests, escape the office, go to class (on time), be on time for everything, go to sleep, etc. This someone would need to be extremely influential over me or else I would just brush them off and not listen. That's another thing. I've realized how stubborn I really am. It was a bit of a shocker for me because I never really considered myself to be stubborn.

I need help. I would like advice and such but I need to help myself. It's completely my fault that I have not lived up to my potential, failing myself and all those around me.

ASUP

It's official. The 2009-2010 ASUP Executive Board was sworn in today at the last Senate meeting of the year. Here are the members:

ASUP President Colton Coughlin
ASUP Vice Preisdent Alyssa Schmidt-Carr
ASUP Secretary Samantha Riofta
ASUP Treasurer Steve Waters
CPB Director Tarra McCurdy

I think we will do an excellent job. During our retreat, we came up with a ton of ideas and such. I'm excited to work with them. I just hope we don't have a ton of drama.

I'm going to sit next to the secretary instead of the treasurer. That's what happened this year. It was weird because I used to sit next to Colton but then I was ousted to the other side next to Ben, which was fine because I really liked sitting next to Ben. We would write notes to each other and all. Colton claims that I said that I hate him, which is totally not true. I don't even remember saying that to him. If anything, I think Kyle wanted to sit on that side because it would put him near the computer used by Advisor Jeromy Koffler.

ANYWAY, I'm the only one who can actually start doing my job. Everyone else has to wait until next year starts. It's stated in the ASUP Constitution. Hopefully everyone realizes this...

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Calabria 2007" by Enur.

Downtown.

Hazel and I ventured to downtown Portland today after getting some Baskin Robbins ice cream with Colin and Sam. I had some Pralines 'n' Cream because I'm still giving up chocolate for Lent. It's been really hard, and I haven't exactly been doing a great job at it (making exceptions for being in New York and my birthday).

We stopped by Saturday Market, so that I could get my henna tattoo that I wasn't able to get at Pilotpalooza. I have a nice flower design on my left forearm. All the paste is mostly off. There are few specks here and there, but for the most part, it's just the design that's left. It seems really light, but I'm hoping for it to get a little darker. We'll see. All in all, Melanie is an amazing henna tattoo artist! I really hope she comes back to Pilotpalooza next year!

Then we had some Elephant Ears because Hazel never heard of it before, which was the same situation that I had when I first came to Portland. I seriously thought that it was an ELEPHANT'S EAR (which would have been completely crazy if you ask me)! Anyway, they were delicious! Only thing is they are DEEP FRIED (Dang it! Broke another one of my Lent rules).

Walked along the river and took pictures. The cherry blossoms were so pretty! They were definitely of the MULAN variety. ;)

We ventured over to Powell's the CITY OF BOOKS. OMG...it's only my favorite book store ever because they have so many things to look at and everything. They also have some amazing Japanese stationery, which I wish I could buy but I'm always have a hard time figuring out which one I want to get. ANYWAY, Hazel and I just explored every room, so that she could say that she's been to every section. It was pretty fun. While we were there, I received a text from one o f the members of Sleepwalk, A Robot. It was pretty crazy because this wasn't the first time. When I went to NACA West, Dan Torres kept texting me; everyone in our delegation kept making fun of me because of it. We all thought it was pretty funny. SO YEAH...I LOVE POWELLS! :)

We were both getting a little hungry so we went to this little noodle place next to Powells. The plates were so small and everyting, but they were so appetizing. Oh man...it was so good!

It was already 8 something when we were there, and mass starts at 9. With only a half hour to rush back to school, we hit the road, looking for the next bus/MAX train to UP. At first we ended up on the side of the MAX that was going in the wrong direction, but luckily the other train was just on the other side of Pioneer Square. We waited for a while, but the train finally came. The trip was fine back to Interstate, but that's where the real problem started.

The next bus wasn't going to come for another 38 minutes. Another girl was waiting at the bus stop with us and informed us of this. We all decided just to walk back to campus. It was such a long walk but we made it back to campus at around 10 pm, meaning we totally missed mass. I was really disappointed, especially after finding out that people I wanted to introduce to Hazel were there!

After walking all the way back to Mehling, Sam and Colin wanted to meet up with us, especially sicne they were done with mass. It was good to see them, and they were able to say farewell to Hazel.

I really enjoyed having Hazel here with me over the weekend, and all my friends were really enjoyed meeting her and having a chance to spend time with her. It's so awesome to see my two worlds be combined happily. :)

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "True Love's Kiss" sang by Amy Adams

Pilotpalooza

I swear if we had a re-vote for BEST EVENT OF THE YEAR, PILOTPALOOZA would win! Hands down. So many people came and they were super stoked about everything! Here's some highlights:

1) Sleepwalk, A Robot had to warm up to the crowed a bit but the dance party in the middle of their set was fabulous! They were totally easy to work with and definitely chill. It was great working with them. I hope to see them again at NACA or something.

2) The FlipBooks gave a new spin on caricatures and picture souvenirs in general. Students had a fantastic time making those. It's a shame that they ran out of paper. Oh well...what can you do?

3) I wasn't able to get a henna tattoo because the lines were so long, but it's okay. I'm heading to Saturday market tomorrow to get some thing done. AWESOME.

4) Although the lines we're pretty long, especially for the Henna and Flip Books, I think people enjoyed themselves and were satisfied.

5) The food disappeared within seconds - it was crazy intense. Seriously.

6) The club activities were a great place to get people interested in clubs. I'd say we had a good turn out. Chloe' and Danielle did a great job getting people to sign up for CPB. Too bad none of those names had an email go with them. Oh well.

7) BOUNCE, BOUNCE, BOUNCE!! Oh wow...I haven't played on inflatables in forever! It was so fun. I realize how out of shape I'm in - it's ridiculous. I'd say my favorite is the bungee run!

Wow...I'm so tired. I'm gonna catch some Zs and explore Portland with Hazel in the morn. GOOD NIGHT! :)

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Call me" by Blondie

21 celebration...

So we (as in Sam, Kyle, Allison, Ben, Colin, Moreen, Haley and Kristina) went out to Mint...this really sleek restaurant off of Interstate. It was pretty sweet! I had an awesome time spending time with my friends and such, but the service was so freaking slow. I mean there weren't even that many people in the restaurant. They should have been on us like peanut butter on the roof of your month! Sheesh...nevertheless, I had a good time! :)

1) Shot of Patron
Not too bad. Although my reaction was a straight face...seriously. I had no reaction whatsoever and I chugged it like champ! Yes! haha At first, Ben and I checked out the HUGE shot glasses. Really now, these glasses were unusually large, and the amount of liquid in them was immense. Then Allison and the rest of crew were getting restless and just wanted us to get it over with. So with Allison's lead, we downed the shot of patron...

It reminded me of Cognac, especially afterward when I could taste the nutty aftertaste. haha That was interesting. But yeah, are you supposed to have a funny face afterward? Hmmm...one's thing for sure, I turned pink fast. I look like I was blushing the whole night. haha What's that supposed to mean?

2) Tropical Punch

"It's FRUITY!" Indeed it was! It tasted just like juice...ah! Delicious! Too bad I freakin' SPILLED it when I was trying to get a napkin. OMG...I was devastated. Luckily they gave me another, but that one didn't taste quite as good. Sad day. We ate fried calamari and sweet potato fries (mmm....fried foods)!






3) Sweet Love
Coffee + Alcohol...with Pasta?! Yeah, not exactly the best combination ever. Really wasn't thinking when I decided to get that drink. Should have gotten something fruity...like Velvet or Bella. Oh well. NEXT TIME. So I just ate my pasta and drank the drink later. It was alright. It just taste like coffee (probably why I'm still up right now...darn caffeine).

After some of that, I had dessert - fondue, to be precise! It was good! Oh my goodness gracious me...I'm the biggest Chocoholic I know! Seriously, we were finishing off the fruits and cake you dip into the chocolate, and I just started eating the chocolate. Oh how I love it!! It even came with a candle. Cool huh? I just wanted the candle to glow, but they all wanted me to blow it out. I tried re-lighting it, but no such luck. Dessert was tasty...

Overall the restaurant experience was good! I had fun with my friends and they were really cool to hang out with, especially since we don't get to do that often.

I went back to the office and did some work. Good stuff! Got to see a couple folks, including Colton. I think he was hoping for me to be a little out of it, but whatev. I was fine, drinking water and everything. BUT then they all left me. I was alone in the office. How was I supposed to get back to Mehling?! Luckily, Andrew came in and I got a ride with him. However, he noticed I was a little different, saying that I talk too much and everything. GAH...not my fault. I just have a tendency to talk more when I have a little bit to drink. I also get really honest, which could be a good or bad thing. I hope he's still my friend tomorrow and the day after. But I guess time will only tell.

Alrighty, my clothes are waiting for me to fold or at least pile onto another location, so I can sleep...GOOD NIGHT! :)

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson

21

Today's my 21st birthday!! :)

I don't feel any different, and I haven't done anything too out of the ordinary. I had to study for a huge test, which I don't think I did too well on. *sigh* I totally messed up and forgot to study essential parts of my notes! I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to drop this course, but we'll see. I have until Friday to decide...

ANYWAY, I feel like my friends are MORE excited about my 21st birthday than I am! They have been like:
1) Counting down the days.
2) Constantly reminding ME that my birthday is coming up.
3) Planning what we are going to do when I turn 21.
4) Randomly bring up that my birthday is soon.
5) Talk about alcoholic drinks (all in preparation, right?)
It's actually been pretty entertaining, watching them get all psyched about TODAY!

When I went to the office, Allison decorated my side of the room! It's SO COOL! There's pink and purple streamer coming off the lights as well as a HUGE High School Musical table cloth, draped over part of the lights to create a sign. Why it's High School Musical I'm not really sure...because I'm pretty sure Colton like that movie more than me. haha ANYWAY, my desk was covered with Post-ies thanks to Colton. There was also a soft pink bunny with Starburst jellybeans! It was quite a surprise when I walked in this morning as I was talking to my mom. So awesome though!! LOVE IT! :)

Alright, so I must continue getting my chores done before my birthday celebration tonight.

I just wanted to start a blog because when I was in NEW YORK over spring break, Meredith Vieira (yes, one of the anchors on the Today show) told my new friend Natalie and I that we should start blogging. This was not the first time I've heard this advice. My cousin Daphne told me the same thing. So here's to the start of a blog...I hope to keep it regularly updated.

Now...I'm off to doing some laundry and getting ready to celebrate my 21st year on Earth. WOO!

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: "Playground in My Mind" by Clint Holmes