No joke. Everything has only continued to get worse as this day progresses.
I'm in the office now, hoping that my solitude will help me, but in reality, I just want someone to hold me. I want someone to guide me through this, to say that things will be okay, that it's not the end of the world, that I am better than this, that I'm still a good student, that even the most successful person in the world failed at something. I want to be reassured that everything will turn out for the better, that I will graduate on time, that I'm a success and not a failure. I want someone to be understanding and not yell at me for my mistakes and lecture me about time management because believe me, I know I suck at it. I know I don't have my priorities straight. I know that I need help but am too afraid to ask. I know that I should really listen to the advice that's given to me. I know I shouldn't give into peer pressure but have fallen victim to it too often this semester. I want a confidence booster. Please help me.
I think I'm going to go to the prayer journey this afternoon because God will help me reconnect with myself. I feel like I have not only failed myself, but a laundry list of people, including my family, my friends, my professors, and my classmates. Above all I have failed Him, not living up to my fullest potential. I know He has so much in store for me, and I have taken it all for granted.
I need to get back on track. Junior year always seems to kill me in school. I need to fix my mistakes and set up a game plan to kick senior year's ass, like no other. I want to be the super student, who is on top of all her assignments by doing them weeks in advance and keeping up with the readings. I want to be the best CPB Director that UP has ever seen by continuing to put on the most amazing and successful events.
I want to be a loyal friend by being there for my friends. I want to be a loving daughter, sister, cousin, niece, granddaughter, etc. by regularly keeping in touch with my family. I want to be a better person in the eyes of God by praying, not "blinking" during mass, reading the Bible, and just thanking Him every day for everything.
I know I have so much potential. I just need to learn to balance everything. I need someone to be my Jiminy Cricket and tell me when to start assignments, study for tests, escape the office, go to class (on time), be on time for everything, go to sleep, etc. This someone would need to be extremely influential over me or else I would just brush them off and not listen. That's another thing. I've realized how stubborn I really am. It was a bit of a shocker for me because I never really considered myself to be stubborn.
I need help. I would like advice and such but I need to help myself. It's completely my fault that I have not lived up to my potential, failing myself and all those around me.
